Hello, everybody. I'm Detective Bryan, and this very first case of the Roast Game Theory is called "The Old Countryhome of Fort Mill (South Carolina)." This is an old countryhouse I knew and visited multiple times as a child, and growing up, my brother told me, when I was young; that this old countryhouse was actually built in 1973. What I will be using to find the real names of every child that was slaughtered and eaten for not believing in Christmas, is something that actually works. It is called "The Investigation Calculation Technique," which is similar to the Forensic Math Decimal, but instead of finding the home of the slaughtered child just after finding the name of the child with the Roast Game Death Toll Timeline (which, to be specific, is from November 17th, 1998 to June 11th, 2017), it will be different. I pick the house I see to investigate, then I calculate the built year with the year 1998; by adding them together, alongside with the Roast Game Death Toll itself (which is 18,568,322), then I get the first name of the child. Next, by getting the child's middle name, I divide the decimal number I got the first name of the child from by the middle number of that decimal number. Then, get the middle name, but ironically, after you get the middle name of that child, you multiply that number to the second power, then divide that number by the two; then, you'll get the last name of that child.

Once you've gotten the child's full name, you add up all three decimal numbers by the very first number of those decimal numbers. So, you'll divide the total of those three added up numbers by the very first number; to a young age. Then, you'll fill in the gaps, like, finding the actual birthday of that child, and the death date (which, to be specific, the age of the child, when that child was slaughtered, is also the number of days, weeks, or even years, after 1998), like using the Roast Game as the events of what happened, the school that child went to (that serves that specific house) before that child was slaughtered and literally eaten as the Christmas roast, etc..

I did just that. I got the first name of the child that was slaughtered in the house. The first name was "Damien," the middle name was "Amber," and the last name was "Heifner." I connected the dots, and I found out that he was 4 years old (was a Christian, too!) and went to Pleasant Knoll Elementary School. Take a look at this photo. "Damien Amber Heifner." Born "February 21st, 1993" and died on "November 22nd, 1998." As you see the rest of the photo, it describes the specific description of where that child lives, of where that child has died.

You know why I felt really suspicious of this house? Because I've been there multiple times, and it's like, SOMETHING had to have died inside. Literally! And this is the very child that died in that house! Maybe it decomposed right under the house, right in its fucking foundation. I don't know where they put it. It's strange, still.

But there you have it! Case No. 1 of The Roast Game Theory, which the point of the theory is to identify the child who was slaughtered and eaten as a Christmas roast. By the way, a quick fact: 19% of the children that were slaughtered and eaten as a Christmas roast was slaughtered in a home, not a church! I'm only investigating and identifying the children that were slaughtered in a home. I'm Detective Bryan, signing off...

Case closed!


NEXT: The Roast Game Theory Case No. 2: James O'Gill Abbey Transcript

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